This Is What Happens When Women Don’t Play Video Games

It’s dark. I’m in a forest, running as fast as I can. My legs sink into the mud, each step heavier than the last. I’m inevitably slowing down, and then, it catches me. It always does, no matter how hard I try to get away. My heart pounds, my hands are slick with sweat, my tears are ready to fall.

I hit Esc.

I bought Snufkin: Melody of Moominvalley after quitting my job. I’m not a gamer, and my immersion in the Moomin universe is limited to a few books I occasionally read. But the game fascinated me — the visuals are stunning, and the music by Sigur Rós takes me back to carefree university days when I was borrowing music tastes the way my roommates borrowed dresses from one another — simply, casually, sometimes forever.

Are you asking yourself the right questions?

Yes, I quit my 9-to-5 programming job in August 2024. For those who read my blog, the signs were probably there. In April, I published a story with a striking headline: World on the Brink: Why Focus on My Tech Career? In June, I attended a JS conference in Amsterdam, where I met exactly zero people but still held on to some hope. By July, I dabbled in React, took a vacation, and then decided to quit.

After three months of unemployment and a dramatic career shift, I realized I had asked myself the wrong questions. Am I good at programming? Or: Is programming good for me? These might seem neutral, but when you’re a woman battling impostor syndrome and nearing burnout, it’s better to hold off on answers — and actions.

Now that the damage is done, I’m rethinking my work and life strategies while playing Snufkin. Its gentle pace and quirky characters gave me the space to disconnect and look at my life challenges from a new perspective. Finally, the game helped me ask the right question: How can I become better at doing my job (whatever it is) and caring for myself (and the people I love)?

What playing video games can teach you?

I wish I had started playing video games sooner. Gaming isn’t just a fun way to spend my free time (and money); it’s also been an unexpected remedy for my perfectionism, fear of failure, and self-doubt. Here are five lessons I learned from playing Snufkin. Though, I suppose these lessons could come from just about any well-reviewed game on Steam.

1. Don’t give up. It’s hard to describe how desperately I wanted to escape from The Groke on my first, second, and third try — and how miserable I felt when I failed. I pressed Esc and didn’t open the game for weeks. But when I finally did, I discovered that — Spoiler! — The Groke in Snufkin is a harmless creature.
2. Be curious. I came back to The Groke after replacing the inner pressure of “I have to beat this!” with a genuine curiosity: “What’s next?” It’s OK to lose interest when you’re stuck — I reminded myself to stay calm and patient. The unknown brings uncertainty. Uncertainty leads to mistakes. Mistakes are how we learn and grow.
3. Make mistakes. The police officers in Snufkin are super annoying. It’s almost impossible to remove a park sign without getting caught. The good thing? When they catch you, the sky doesn’t fall. The game goes on, and you get as many chances to succeed as you need. The hardest part here is accepting the feeling that you’re not perfect.
4. Take breaks. I’m taking one right now. I worked so hard to reach the final quest (I’m hoping it’s the final one), but those hyper Woodies keep blocking my progress. Instead of getting mad at them — or myself — I decided to shift my focus: take a walk, read a book, and enjoy life outside the game. I hope someday I’ll dare to use this approach in my work routine without the deep-seated sense of guilt.
5. Celebrate your success. I can’t wait to bring harmony back to Moominvalley. Excited and a bit overwhelmed by the level of responsibility, I tend to undervalue my small achievements. Learning not to take success for granted takes time, and I’m still practicing. Those little victories are a foundational part of the game — they make the experience fulfilling and enjoyable.

Keep calm and play video games (and smash the patriarchy)

As a little girl, I didn’t play video games. I was led to believe they weren’t for me. Computers and the entertainment they offered belonged to the boys’ world. I grew up unsure of myself, afraid to make mistakes or break an expensive piece of technology. The fact that I eventually found myself working in tech is fascinating — but not entirely fulfilling. It cost me years of effort and self-doubt.

This is my personal story about what happens when women don’t play video games — or, more accurately, when women are not expected or encouraged to play them. Later in life, they are often perceived as less capable in fields like math, programming, or engineering. The patriarchy, inequality, and sexism may not seem as obvious nowadays, but they remain deeply ingrained and powerful.

If you’ve made it this far into my story, consider giving Snufkin a try — even if gaming isn’t your thing. I promise there’s a good chance you’ll enjoy it.

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